Apologies for the interruption, I know you have been devastated. So without further ado, my latest musings.
I’m beginning to wonder if a lot of the situations I try to keep myself out of are the exact situations that God wants me in the most. I spend my whole life trying to make myself comfortable, stable, happy and content, lacking and wanting nothing. When change is on the horizon, I stress out and worry what problems will arise as my world evolves. If I’m discontented, I twist and turn and whine and struggle to find which aspect of my life is leaving me unfulfilled, and then I embark on a mission to fix it as quickly as possible. And I think I’m starting to realize that no matter where I am, I’m exactly where God wants me to be, and if I’m in one of those tumultuous times, then I’m really where God wants me, because those are the places where He can teach me the most. I picture God sitting there watching me run around like a chicken with its head cut off, waiting patiently for me to stop searching all around me and just look up for once. I know all He wants to say to me is Wesley, chill out, if you’ll just let me show you what I’m doing here, you will enjoy this growing process a lot more. He’s going to mould me and shape me through difficult experiences for the rest of my life, so I could make it a lot easier for myself by just accepting that fact and looking for God’s lessons during those times. Also, interestingly enough, I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least a little bit discontented, on the verge of some sort of change in my life, and somewhat uncomfortable with my situation. I think God would probably like for me to realize that life isn’t about trying to get to a certain point and staying there. He wants it to be about seeking Him and finding satisfaction in Him no matter what my circumstances are, because He knows that I will never be at home in this world, and I will never be fully satisfied without Him.